…to conquer this miraculous walk of life; one step of human kindness after another. This world needs change, and Baby James will be their example… I can’t wait for you to begin your journey!
Brian D. Stout
(Daddy)
dedication
A Mothers Day Dedication ( for Colleen)
If, once I’m gone, I should not be allowed in heaven. Promise you’ll remember me as the man I am today.
To my wife, without you, I would be nothing. She pulled me from my wreckage, and saved me from myself. You, truly, saved my life, therefore, I have always stood committed to protecting you through yours. We bring out the best in each other, and we bring out the worst in each other. We are EVERYTHING that the other is not…we are exactly what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. “Ride or Die” sometimes our absolute loyalty is the ONLY thing that kept us together, but it was that loyalty that formed the foundation for the house we’ve built along the way…stone by stone, into the awesome house it is today. Every moment that defines the man I have become begins with you. I love you, more than you could ever know! Every bit of goodness in my soul, every bit of hope and faith in my heart, every bit of kindness and unconditional love in my spirit, belongs to you. You created a good and decent man in me, and then gifted me with purpose. There are no words to describe what light I see you in…but you are everything but the wings!
Brian D.Stout
See Also: Heaven at a glimpse
A Gift From Two Fathers, Part II (For Baby James)
Continued From: A Gift From Two Fathers
See Also: The Roots of Your Tree
Part II: Jimmy
A few months after my dad passed away, we were sitting on the back porch getting ready for bed. It was me, your mom, grandma Sheila and Jimmy G. Jimmy got up from the patio table to go to bed and had a little trouble with his balance. I offered to help but he insisted he was fine. ( he was stubborn to the bone and always would refuse any ones pity or help. He never, once, showed pain or admit when he was hurt. He was the most determined man I ever met. He was, not only strong willed, but had a tolerance for pain like none I’d ever seen before.
- (I had seen him fall from the top step at the Grande Lakes, a good 4 feet tom the bottom, head first to the concrete, splitting it wide open, only to be angry because I would not just take him up to his room to go to bed, I literally had to hold him down until the paramedics arrived. All I kept thinking that night was how amazed I was he was still alive, but I felt bad for your mother because I thought, for sure, this was an injury that would change his life completely. Only to be woken up a few hours later with Jimmy G coming back to the hotel with a few stitches, carrying on like nothing happened)
- (The last couple years of his life he would hold his head and just shake off whatever was hurting, not mentioning a thing. If you asked him he would insist he was just fine, although if you paid attention you could tell it wasn’t. He never wanted anyone to feel sorry for him or to worry,)
- (Some days he would be in so much pain and tired that he couldn’t get up from the kitchen table or even out of bed. He never complained…he would always say the exact same 2 words: “no pep” and brush it off. But no matter how bad, “no pep” was ALWAYS the only thing wrong with him.)
- (Every time he went to the doctor, he would tell the doctor he felt fine and he would never tell the doctor anything. How he was able to keep so much to himself I have no idea, but it truly was incredible.)
Back to the story: I allowed him a few feet of comfort space, staying just far enough so that if he fell I would catch him and pick him up. (As I had done many times before) I turned to open the door for us and, with my back turned away, he lost his balance and fell against the patio table, hitting his side on the concrete floor. I grabbed him and picked him up and put him in the kitchen chair and noticed he seemed to be hurting extremely bad, and his body seemed to be reacting to the fall. He was unable to focus, he was trembling, and he was not responding to things. I made Grandma and your mom call the ambulance and had them call your aunt Trish and Jim. (Whom only lived four doors down at the time) Trish and Jim came immediately and the next few minutes seemed like forever until the ambulance got there.
While we were waiting, he came to and was insisting that he was fine, he just needed to go to bed. I, too, am a very stubborn man when it comes to health and safety…so I wasn’t hearing it. When the medics arrived, Jimmy G insisted he was tired and needed to go to bed, but after my very adamant explanation they decided to stay there. He was refusing medical attention, but they were concerned, so they made him a deal: if he could get up and walk to bed they would leave him alone, even if he did so with help. They helped him up and the pain was so great that he appeared to have stroke like symptoms, the exact same way he had reacted earlier, only this time they witnessed it themselves and could no longer accept his refusal.
They transported him to the hospital, and your Grandma rode with him. Your mom, aunt Trish and Uncle Jim rode together and I stayed at home with Tegan. That would be the last time that he got to do his very favorite thing in the world: drink a beer on his back porch by the immaculate pool he had maintained while watching his tv. 
(That pool was pristine, and he gloated with pride in how perfect he had kept that pool for 30 years. It was another one of “his things” and he deserved it…three times a week he would clean the filter and every day he would clean and drop more bleach tablets in it. The trick, he said, was the specific tablets he used that you could only buy at Sams club, nowhere else, because of one specific thing that was in those particular tablets, that he wouldn’t tell anybody. But we actually had pool guys from the neighbors that would wonder over and ask how he got it so clean)
Anyway, it was of no surprise when the doctors admitted him into the sand lake hospital overnight. They wanted to keep a close watch on him. He was put on fluids and vitamins. They found lots of bruising and he hurt his hip, not to mention they found he had broken ribs, and not just from that fall but 2 of the broken ribs had started healing, which means he had carried on as if nothing was wrong with broken ribs for at least a good week or two.
The doctors made him stay there for, at least the next 2 days, so that they could hydrate his body and get him strong again. (I won’t go too far into detail, but He had to go through something called a detox, and because of his age it was going to hurt his body more than normal from the shock of cleaning out whatever harmful thing it is that your body becomes used to having. It sucked watching him express hurting for the first time, especially the amount he was going through, and not being able to do anything about it.)
The entire time he was there he just wanted to come home. He would beg for us to take home and even tried to kick himself out of his hospital bed a few times. Even the doctors couldn’t Believe how strong he was.
After a few days in the hospital, his condition didn’t get much better, so the doctors decided to transfer him to Dr. Phillips rehabilitation center, so that he would have around the clock medical assistance and someone to help him exercise his muscles to, hopefully, get him stronger.
Your mom and I drove Tegan to go and see him. (Tegan was the world to him and she always made him happy) on the way to the clinic, Tegan threw up in the backseat out of nowhere. ( the last time, and only other time she had done that was on our way to see Grandpa Stout for our last time.) Your mother and I knew that to be a sign and we both choked down talking about what we knew was to come.
We all took turns hanging out with him while he was there. He started to forget certain things so brought in pictures of his past to help him remember. ( no matter what he forgot, he would ALWAYS remember being married to your grandma.)
We, soon, found out that the center had been taking horrible care of him, He had a new bruise from when he fell out of bed onto the floor and was lying there for who knows how long. I don’t recall who, but either Trish or your mom found him on the floor and had to go get the nurse. He was a serious high risk for being a fall hazard, come to find out the alarm that should have been on his bed to alert when he is not in it didn’t work, and the staff could not be so certain if any of them worked. That place was horrible. We insisted, though, that he just give it a few more days.
One night, after we had all started getting ready for bed, the phone rang. It was him, begging to come home and saying the people there mistreat him. Your mother and grandma felt terrible and I told them to go to bed and I would go up and sit with him for a while. When I first got there I went in through the front door (mind you this is nearly midnight) and came to a nurse standing against the desk. I thought I’d ask her about Jimmy, but she didn’t even make eye contact as I passed her and another nurse at the first nurse station. I thought it odd that they wouldn’t even question me, when I know it was obvious I had no idea where I was going.
I passed by 2 more nurses stations with a nurse posted at each one, without even a hello. (One nurse was on her phone checking Facebook or something, and didn’t even see me at all. By then I had figured out where I was going and continued down the hall to right in front of his room. I looked back at the nurse behind the desk and made certain she saw me, and, just to see what she’d do, I turned around and went into the wrong room. I sat down next to the old lady that was asleep in her bed and just sat there for 5 long minutes, amazed that no one challenged me.
I left her room and went into your grandpas room, where he was tossing and turning and couldn’t sleep. He was so glad to see me and was almost in tears begging me to take him home. ( your grandpa had something called Alzheimer’s, which got so bad that it’s called dementia. He didn’t just forget people, but how to do things. He was used to his tv at home and was frustrated because he couldn’t even figure out how to turn the tv on or anything else…the room was unfamiliar to him and it scared him. What’s more, there was nobody there to take the time to help him.
I helped him get comfortable and watched some tv with him. We talked and hung out for just over 2 and a half hours when he finally calmed down enough to go to sleep. Before I left I promised him that I would get him out of that place and bring him home, but it would take a few days. (And began working on how to get him home…researching financial assistance, household modifications, even finding a way for him to qualify for medical assistance from home.) I am a strait shooter and will never give you my word to something just to say it; I was going to do whatever it took to get him home.
I stopped by the nurses station and introduced myself as if I had just got there. I wanted to make sure someone was watching him so I held a very inquisitive, but civil conversation with the nurse. I asked how often they made rounds and one nurse responded with every hour, while the other nurse quickly sai 2 hours. Just to be clear, I said back to them ” so every hour or two?” To which they both concurred. (I did not mention that I had already been there for over 2 and 1/2 hours and knew they were lying)
I, then, asked her directly about the alarm that was not on the bed of a high risk fall victim, and she told me that sometimes the patience turn it off themselves. (Which was obviously a lie, considering your grandpa was so, what you call, not so tech savvy, that he couldn’t operate a remote that worked 2 devices at a time, or couldn’t send a text message, let alone find a hidden switch that activated an alarm and secretly turn it off.)
I started asking questions on how to begin the process for bringing him home. She was very helpful with that, she emailed the person in charge of that and scheduled a meeting with your grandma and mom and aunt Trish, and even sent an email to the lady in charge of setting up all the financial needs and questions to start his discharge.
Before leaving, I told the nurse that I had parked right outside of the side entrance. ( which was electronically locked with a code lock and a sign saying please use front door after hours and check in at the front nurse station…ha, funny) I asked her for the code to the keypad so that I didn’t have to walk all of the way next time and she gave me the four digit code. I left and went to the car, only to come right back and try the code she gave me. It worked, letting me right back in through the back way. I have never been so frustrated and upset as I was when I left that place.
I got to John Young Parkway and turned around, went back, used the key code and checked on Jimmy one last time. It felt somewhat better knowing the wheels had been set in motion to get him out of that place tho.
For the next couple days, your grandma and Mom and aunt Trish were stuck to make a difficult decision…the kind of decision that makes any man question themselves…the kind that changes EVERYTHING for everyone…forever. Whether or not to bring him home or to keep him where there is, at least, medical staff always nearby.
After a couple of heartbreaking days, the lady that handles all of the discharges recommended he be discharged and sent home, to be with us, and provided the care of a hospice nurse.
- (Hospice is a group of doctors and nurses that provide care for everyone directly involved, at absolutely no cost, to help with the transition of a patients last days on this Earth. While hospice is an absolute Godsend, anytime a person is released into hospice care is done so solely for the purpose of taking away the pain and making sure their last moments in this life are as comfortable as possible.)
Hospice brought a hospital bed and an oxygen tank and everything we would need to wash, feed, and take care of your grandpa just like he were in a hospital. They gave him medicine to ease the pain and taught us how to do and use everything and what to watch for. Your grandpa was so happy to be home. It was familiar to him. He was with the people that loved him. It was really nice to see him back where he belonged, and especially to know that I was able to make good on that promise.
During his first night home I pulled the recliner by the foot of his bed and Kyle pulled the other one and we both just sat there watching him…making sure we were there if he woke up through the night or if he needed anything.
We were lucky enough to be there with him when he woke up, at night and wanted to talk. It would be the last conversation he would ever really have with anyone. The amnesia had really done a number on him, and he wasn’t sure who Kyle was exactly, but he was talking to him like an old friend. He recognized me, but I think he was confused who I was.
- (Towards his last few months, he had grown to see me as someone that he could depend on to make whatever was wrong better. He would actually ask for my help when he needed something that he was had never needed anyone to do for him. He would tell people to go get me whenever he had to be taken care of. He and I rarely got along most of the time, but it is an amazing honor to have him recognize the person I am, and know that he knew that he could count on me when it truly mattered)
We, three, talked like old friends for a good hour or so, before he got tired and just wanted to go to sleep. Since I had known him, he drove a Toyota and his old Thunderbird sat in the garage collecting dust. That night, when we mentioned his Toyota, he responded with a quick “I’d never own a foreign car…nothing but American.” He was going back in his mind. He thought he still lived in New Jersey. (30 years ago, yes) He had a visit with his twin sister.(whom had proceeded him in death by quite some time) He kept reaching for a beer, that wasn’t there, just out of old habit.
Once he went to bed, we were intent on making sure he didn’t climb and fall out of his bed. (He still had enough strength to kick his body over where there were no rails) Kyle and I assembled a a gate, (from a doggy gate) pushed two chairs butt up against it and put a concrete block in front of the chairs so there was NO way he was getting out of bed. Kyle went to bed and I lay in the rocker next to him.
That night I was woke by a loud noise. He had reached his arm over the rail and started, slowly, pulling the gate towards him. I sat there and watched him as he, a little bit at a time, actually pulled the gate up to the rail, leaving nothing to stop him by his feet. He then started kicking himself out of the bed.
I am amazed at this, still to this day. To do what he did required a good amount of strength and enough Witt to strategically place your fingers at just the right area and pull in just the right direction. Your grandpa had become physically weak and mentally child like and confused. For him to have the fortitude to carefully and diligently figure out how to get out is beyond me. This was your grandpa’s unmatchable will and sheer determination.
Also, true to your grandpa’s tenacity, the fight he gave to hold on to every possible moment he could. When the hospice nurse returned the next day, she was surprised that he had not passed on yet. All of the signs had indicated, the previous day, that he may have been within hours of his passing.
She gave him a check up and told us she would come back two days later to check in. (Certain that he would not be here anymore) …and two days later, when she returned, he was still holding on and fighting. He had grown somewhat agitated, however, and I expressed my concerns, sensing some discomfort. She observed and agreed. She increased his morphine prescription to an amount that would take away any pain, but he may never respond to us again. I waited for your grandma and mom to get back home. Having just gone through losing a father a few months before, I knew how hard things were about to get, so I text Stephanie, (your moms best friend) and asked her to come over, so that she could be there for your mom, and, also, because she was part of the family. . (They all grew up together)
At first your grandma wasn’t sure if putting him to sleep was the right thing to do, but she knew the pain he was in and saw the nurses recommendation. (Your grandma and I tried to clean him up and give him a bath the night before, and in doing so I think we hurt him more, and we were pretty sure it sent him into a mini stroke.) It was time to take him of all this suffering he had endured and guide him to peace. He lasted through the night and the next morning I went to work. (Once again, Stephen was well aware of the situation and was quick to help me however he could. I let him know that this would be the day my wife would need me to come home early,)
In the middle of my lunch, a feeling overcame me and I felt the need to text your mom. “How’s dad?” Was my question. He had just passed away that very moment. Trish had gone to the store and your grandma had to go in to work, but there, once it was just he and your mom, he breathed in a hard gasp of breath and went home to be with his mom and dad, and his twin sister.
Jimmy G was the most dedicated husband I’ve ever met to your grandma. He was indefatigable when it came to providing his family with everything they ever wanted. He was benevolent in that he would give the shirt off his back to help out those he could. He was strong, firm and most of all determined. The world is a better place for having him in it.
Synopsis: how you came to be.
Not long after both of our fathers had passed, I came home from a long day of work and your mother asked me to join her on the back patio. She nervously presented me with a home pregnancy test showing we were going to have another baby. A year formed the corner of my eye from the absolute happiness I felt. I raised my eyes toward heaven and I thanked our fathers out loud in prayer. You are their gift. They both were so incredibly proud of the loving father (and mother) we have become for Tegan…so thankful for being there for them through their passing…so happy to know, undoubtedly, what unconditional love I (we) would give to you, that, I know, they hand picked the sweetest spirit in heaven and nurtured it into the miracle that is you.
There was never any question of that. From the first time I learned of you, I knew that you were a boy. But to confirm, that night, your mother had a dream: she dreamed her dad was holding you in his arms before he handed you to her. (Tegan was a month early, but you stayed in your mommies belly until the very day you were supposed to. I think it’s because your grandfathers were holding you and loving you as much as they could, and weren’t ready to give you up until they absolutely had to. You are a Gift From two fathers, created in heaven, with a piece of both of their souls, to remind me the greatness you are! It was without question that you were meant to carry on the name of two greatest men to have ever walked this Earth. Wear your name proudly, as it conveys intimation of what stoic heroes they truly were. And now you, also carry the legacy of a Stout, a name defining a strong and powerful protector, that puts loyalty above all.
See Also: The Change
Brian D. Stout
(Daddy)
Roots of Your Tree (for Baby James)
My father; your mother’s father…
you won’t remember them on Earth. Although I know they held you in their arms,
until your day of birth.
And when we spread their ashes on the soil,
only God could know:
it was that which fed the roots with blood
so that their tree of life could grow!
Brian D. Stout
Papa Jimmy G
Grandpa Stout
“A Gift From Two Fathers” (For Baby James)
You are named after two of the greatest men to have ever been, but the story behind why we chose that name goes so much deeper. This is a story of ho how you came to be, and , more importantly, a big part of who you are.
- Introduction:
Jimmy G (mommy’s dad)
Geoffrey (my dad)
To begin your story, it is necessary I go back a few years before you were born, and tell you a little about Tegan. When your mom and I got married, Kyle and Shyanne were both grown, so she and I thought that we would grow old, together, just the two of us. Although we both love Kyle and Shyanne unconditionally we figured that having children part of our lives was well behind us, and we were prepared to move onto whatever was next. The Lord works, however, in mysterious ways, and God saw the love we held for each other and blessed us with the miracle of having a child together. We stood in awe. What it meant for me was salvation; God put his faith in me, by offering a second chance at being a good father. I, often, thought about what all I could have done differently as a father, and God gave me that opportunity. We immediately thought that Tegan was going to be a boy; someone to carry our family name proudly, and, pass it on one day. When we learned Tegan was going to be girl, we-both understood that God had designed something entirely different for our lives. (There is a reason for anything and everything that happens on your journey through life, good or bad. It makes it a whole lot easier if you accept that he is in control, and have faith that there is a purpose.) We were both so happy that we were going to bring a life in this world that was completely us, that it never even mattered if she was a boy or a girl. We asked, only, that God keep our child safe in his protection, and that our child be healthy. Your mother and I, thankfully, thought this to be our last chance to know an indescribable love. A love that the creation of life could bring. So we made a promise to God that we would shower her with absolute love, and only love. It was Tegan that filled my heart with love, making me the father I was able to become. (The story of Tegan) She shined her light on the souls of everyone she came in contact with, but for Grampa Stout and Grampa Jimmy, she was their absolute world and there was nothing they would not do for that little girl. From the day she was born, they both glowed with happiness and love. Seeing them light up like that was special. (Although they were like that with ALL of their grandchildren) Even more, when they would see the love that your mother and I gave to her, they would shine with pride. It meant so much to them to know what caring parents they had raised, and even more, to us, knowing that they got to see us become what we were meant to be.
Grampa Stout holding Tegan for the first time
Papa Stout had been sick, and the doctor suggested he take it easy. Against the doctor’s advice, he drove straight down from Acworth, Georgia, by himself, to our house to see Tegan. He made no stops along the way and got no rest. Grandma Sheila had everyone there for a spaghetti dinner and he had never even met any of them. What’s more than that is I was at work and he still just didn’t care.
Papa Jimmy holding Tegan for the first time
Papa Jimmy was sick and had trouble remembering a whole lot of things. He would always brag to everyone about his granddaughter, including his doctor. When the doctor asked what her name was, without missing a beat, he just told him “Murphy”. That’s why we call her Murphy, sometimes, even today. She will, forever be, Murphy. (I have it tattooed beneath her Irish Rose upon my shoulder, so there ain’t no backing out now.
Part I: Geoffrey
One day, I got a call that my dad was going into the hospital and an unexplainable feeling overcame me that urged me to go and see him. (He had been in and out a few times…but this time something told me it was time.) My manager, Steven, knowing that he had been sick and in the hospital a few times recently, kept reassuring me that if I needed to take a few days off he understood. I always thanked him but declined, telling him I would know when it was time. We happened to be attending his wedding reception at his house when I got the call from Aunt Christy, and I had to excuse myself, but let him know that time had come. He insisted I go and told me to take whatever time I needed. The next morning, your mother, Tegan and I drove up to see him. When we were almost there, Tegan threw up in the car. That was the first time, ever, that she had gotten sick in a car. So, we drove the rest of the way there choking on the odor of throw up, with the windows down, trying to comfort her. When I arrived at the hospital, he was very tired,yet still alert. He seemed his usual, sarcastic and humerous self. By the next morning, however, there was a considerable change in his energy. I was fortunate enough to spend, what would be his last week on Earth, by his side, surrounded by family and friends.
He brought me into this world and showed me how to live, and I was able to be by his side through his journey into the next. It is the last thing a father can teach his son. Although it hurt, there was a certain peace and a humbled understanding that still brings some comfort. That entire week, I felt the presence of God, not just by my father’s bedside, but everywhere I went.
Almost like a soft whisper, telling me that he was being called home. I understood, now, how much he must have missed his mom and dad, and I was so happy to know that they would be together again. One day, son, I’ll get to see him again, and he and I will watch and wait for you, too.
While we were visiting in Georgia, the weather was going to drop down to the 20’s for a few days. To myself, I thought how cool it would be if the sky kicked up a little rain and Tegan could see snow fall. While he didn’t live by the Bible or even go to church, my father walked a path that would, no doubts, lead him right to God. Knowing this for certain, I said a prayer to him quietly, asking for one last miracle: to bring rain and let Tegan see snow flurries. That Thursday morning, I woke up to a minimal amount, but enough to wake Tegan and let her play in it. There was no doubt in my heart that he made that happen. I
Tegan’s first time seeing snow flurries
Like it was put here for me to see
Two Years (For Geoffrey Stout) Â
It’s coming up on two years, to the day;
You taught me the last thing a father must teach to his son.
Dad I really don’t have much to say…
A man chokes down his words if there’s a chance he might come undone.
I’m just glad you’re laughing with your daddy.
And I know, now, how happy you both must be.
Although, these days, I miss you badly:
I know you have already staked a claim out for me.
Never doubt, never hate, never worry…
And that’s the only talk that was not aloud.
I Can’t wait to see you, dad; but I am in no hurry.
You and grandpa grab a chair sit back and watch me make you proud.
Brian D. Stout
Heaven, At A Glimpse
As I lie silent; breathing in this moment, every bit! Proof of heaven, at my side; I could never have dreamed of, I'll admit. Angels, not a single doubt, do exist. To think of all, this reckless soul could have missed. There's one that calls me baby: if I'm a good man, then she"s to blame... She took a lot of shit from me, but, still took my last name.Then there are two that call me Daddy, tucked tight against my chest. Heaven's gift, and my salvation...could I deserve to be so blessed? I am quiet not to wake them, while they lie asleep I softly pray: "Watch over them should I be called to judgement... Protect them on their way... And should the gates not open for me...I am grateful for the glimpse I had today!" Brian D. Stout
The ending of the chapter; the beginning of our story (When Along Came Tegan)
When your mother and I ran off to Gatlinburg, Tennessee to get married on April 28, 2010, Kyle had become a fine young man and Shyanne was already a dependant young lady. Our children (your older brother and sister) were grown, therefore we planned on riding out the rest of our lives together, as best friends, with nothing but each other and the freedom to do whatever. Often, we would reflect on what we would have done or not done if we had it to do again, the same way everyone wishes for throughout their life. (It’s human nature…you, too, will know the feeling) Almost never, are those chances really given, though. 
…And so we never gave, even a thought, to starting a family again, with each other. The Lord, however, works in mysterious ways. One day your mom told me she had something to tell me. She was uncertain how I would feel because it had never even crossed our minds that we were able to create another life together. She and I were older than a lot of parents, for one, but also, I was very wild and untamed and she wasn’t sure if I was ready to be a daddy. SO she brought me onto the back porch and told me we were going to have a baby.
…At that very moment, the entire world stood still and I felt a tug at my heart that is indescribable. I was the happiest man ever. In the beat of my heart, I was a changed man.
When we found out we were having a baby girl, we were both so happy that we cried tears of joy. It was as if my heart just suddenly turned soft and pumped love and kindness gently through my veins for the first time in my life. I became somebody that I never thought possible. My world began with you.
You are the change that we ALL needed to feel whole, and I knew it from the beginning. We watched in awe as you grew from a panut to a fist to a baby in mommy’s belly, and the doctor would let us see you on the tv screen every time. Always something new and exciting. One time I was listening to a song by DMX called: Lord give me sign on the way to meet your mommy at the doctor to see you. The lyrics repeat:” Lord give me a sign, show me what i got to do.” and when the doctor put your picture on the tv, you were holding your hands together like you were praying.
…And I have closed my eyes and thanked God every day since!
Then came the day we got to see your beautiful face. So perfect! You made me believe in miracles.
Then, a month before the day the doctor said you would come, I kissed your mother and went in to work. She felt a little different, so she had kyle bring her in to the doctor just to see. There was something very different about the way that day felt. I had an overwhelming feeling, so I told my manager that I thought I was going to need to leave early because we were having a baby. “Ring! Ring!” Sure enough, it was your mom. “hurry.” she said. “meet me at the hospital, Tegan’s coming.” I threw the keys to my manager and jumped in my truck to meet her and your brother.
Once I got there they rushed me upstairs and put me in scrubs. “Where is my wife?” I asked one of the nurses. “She’s going in for surgery…you’re having a baby.” she replied. It had only been about an hour since she called me at work, but you were ready to come right now. I walked into the room, where i met your mother, and we both held each other’s hand, overwhelmed by an unbelievable and indescribable joy. Then, on September 13,2013 at 1303…
At 5 Lbs and 4 oz, a tiny 17 inches long…you brought me to my knees.
…And filled our hearts with love.
…And I have stood in awe of the absolute beauty that is you ever since.
Brian D. Stout: Footprints of a loving father 